Failing is the Way to Success

One of the mottos I teach inside Delay and Pray® is this:

You must fail yourself to success.

At first, that sounds backwards. After all, we’ve been taught that failure is something to avoid. We beat ourselves up after overeating, vow to “do better tomorrow,” and then try to forget it ever happened. But if you never examine your failures, you’ll never understand why they happened. And if you don’t understand why they happened, you’ll keep repeating them.

The women who experience lasting transformation in Delay and Pray® are not the ones who never fail. They’re the ones who become students of their failures.

Every setback becomes valuable information.

Instead of saying, “I blew it again,” they open their journal and begin asking better questions. What was I thinking before I ate? What emotion was I trying to escape? Was I physically hungry, or was I anxious, lonely, frustrated, or bored? What holy opportunity was God placing before me that I missed because I reached for food instead of Him?

That last question changes everything.

The world teaches us to see failure as proof that something is wrong with us. Christ invites us to see it as an opportunity for conversion. Every temptation is an invitation to grow in virtue. Every craving is an opportunity to strengthen temperance. Every uncomfortable emotion is another chance to rely on God’s grace instead of food.

This is why journaling is one of the most powerful tools in the Delay and Pray® program. Journaling slows the brain down enough to learn. Instead of allowing guilt to take over, you write down what happened, reframe your thoughts in light of the truth, consider the holy opportunity God placed before you, and intentionally choose thoughts that produce peace instead of shame. As your thoughts change, your emotions begin to change. When your emotions change, your actions naturally follow. Over time, you stop reinforcing the habits that are working against you and begin strengthening the habits that are working for you.

This is exactly what neuroscience is discovering. Our brains learn through reflection, not condemnation. When we thoughtfully examine our mistakes instead of running from them, we literally create new neural pathways that make healthier responses more automatic over time.

As Catholics, we shouldn’t be surprised by this. God has always called us to examine our lives through prayer, reflection, repentance, and renewal. The Daily Examen, frequent Confession, and journaling are not merely spiritual exercises—they are also powerful tools for renewing the mind. Every failure can become fertile ground for grace if we allow Christ to teach us through it.

So the next time you overeat, don’t throw away the day. Just chalk it up to being human and ask for the intercession of your Guardian Angel to consider things differently. What do I need to consider from God’s perspective to succeed here? And, then pray, pray, pray.

Remember the motto that all Saints had to consider:

You must fail yourself to success.

After each time: Journal the experience. The failure. The reframing of the thoughts. Look for the holy opportunity. Shift the emotion. Then plan your next faithful step. Every time you do this, you’re not simply becoming better at eating. You’re becoming more like Christ, one meal, one prayer, and one renewed thought at a time.